Friday, April 29, 2011 @ 11:57 PM

Roy and I broke up last night. I initiated it out of anger but I regretted. Unfortunately, it was too late. There was no turning back. I feel as though I have been sucked into a black hole, I'm feeling so empty now. It is so hard to explain how I feel to anyone.

No matter how hard I try, I guess it's just not enough. I wasn't trying to pressurize him in any way. When he was upset about his grades, I told him I will be there to remind him about his school priorities and he agreed to it. And now, I am pressurizing him? I just don't want him to side track and regret. Was it wrong that I cared? Or did he rather I not care?

Also, he has not been spending time with me at all. We barely see each other because he is busy spending time with his friends. He says that they always ask him out so he just agreed, then what about me? He always tell me he misses me, but why are his actions the opposite? I try not to complain, I feel bitter about it but I don't want to tell him because I know he will be upset. The fact is that he is losing interest in me but when I ask him, all he does is deny it.. Then am I just living in denial the whole time?

I don't even see the point in penning my feelings down here. What is the point... I'm trying so hard to hold myself together but I can't help but feel so empty inside. I know I have my friends & family. But Roy has always been a part of my life, I put in my heart and soul into this relationship.. why doesn't he see it? And why is he treating me this way?

I am feeling so pathetic, really damn pathetic. I don't want to worry my friends or bother them when I am upset. I know friends are always there but I don't want them to see me like that. Neither do I want them to feel like.... "Oh.. not again...!"

I am feeling really really really terrible. I am trying so hard to be strong but I can't. It is very very hard. I don't know how Roy does it... I don't know why he doesn't seem to feel anything after breaking up. This relationship we had for so long, does it mean anything to him at all.... I have so many questions, so many things to say but I can't.

I am trying really hard to move on because he asked me to. He can move on so easily, but I can't. This relationship was so special to me.. it meant so much to me. I am just really... torn apart now. Everyday he told me he loved me, but how can he do this to me? All the promises he made to me? Did it meant anything at all? They say no matter how much a couple fights, and they never leave each other shows how much they love each other. why can't we be like that? he told me he loved me but why did he go away...

I hate going through this crap all over again. Zuokuan broke my heart and I was really upset for so long and I thought Roy was different... but screw that, all boys are the same. I feel like a fucking rag doll, I feel so cheated.

but is there anything I can do about it?

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